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How can you and your partner knowing one another's love language contribute to the health of your marriage/relationship? Let's dive in!
In case you're not familiar, The Five Love Languages is a book that was originally published in 1992 by Gary Chapman.
And while he's not a doctor or anything, I personally have never come across a better summary of how people give and receive love differently, than The Five Love Languages.
According to Chapman, here are the five ways that people express their love, and feel most loved:
– Words of Affirmation (being told loving words by their partner, such as verbally being told they are loved, getting compliments, etc.)
– Quality Time
– Receiving Gifts (to clarify, this doesn't mean that a person wants money or expensive gifts from their partner. It means that getting a gift, which can be a simple homemade gift or something like a bouquet of flowers, is how they feel loved.)
– Acts of Service (doing chores, or staying on top of bills and appointments)
– Physical Touch (don't think I need to explain that one!!)
And you might be thinking, "OK, Michele, that's great. It makes sense that there are five types of ways to give and receive love. And that seems like a pretty good summary. But why is this an important topic?"
Well, as you can probably imagine, if you and your partner have a DIFFERENT love language, it can cause a problem.
For example, let's say your love language is "words of affirmation," so you are always telling your partner how much you love them and things you like about them
But, you are not very good about doing chores around the house, and are always letting them do the lion's share. Well, if their love language is "acts of service," it probably feels to them like you are all talk and no action, and that you don't actually love them.
And on the other hand, since their love language is "acts of service" and not "words of affirmation" like you, you may feel like you're not being told "I love you" enough by them.
So both of you are feeling unloved, due to the love languages miscommunication!
And this is just so frustrating, because you two love each other a lot, but without knowing that THIS is what the problem is…How are you supposed to fix it?
By learning that your love language is "words of affirmation," and their love language is "acts of service," you learn the best way to make your partner feel loved.
You've probably heard that everyone experiences love slightly differently, and the idea of love languages is quite an interesting theory!
Of course, at the end of the day, I think a strong relationship is built on both partners being strong in ALL five love languages.
Ideally, partners are giving each other words of affirmation, spending quality time together, giving each other thoughtful gifts, doing things for one another and around the house, and also having a healthy physical relationship.
But still, it's really interesting to think about how people express their love differently and feel loved.